What do I say to

someone with cancer?

Written by Elle Sproll

Introduction

Two weeks into my chemo treatment, when my hair fell out in one afternoon, I told 150+ of my nearest and dearest Instagram friends I had cancer. I couldn’t have been more horrified. I didn’t want to be the cancer girl. I didn’t want people feeling sorry for me or treating

me differently. I wanted to be me: strong, fit, and capable. But a bald me was obviously not me, so I shared my horrible news—and was shocked by the number of personal messages of care and support I received.

There’s No Right Way to React to Cancer News

There is no right way to take cancer news and no perfect thing to say to someone who has just been diagnosed. Let that sink in—because if you’re unfortunate enough to know someone with cancer, you’re probably going to feel sick with worry about how to react, what to say, and what to do.

I had varied responses, from silence to crying, and I often found myself comforting the person I was telling. In hindsight, that feels completely messed up—I was the one facing with possible death! But I get it—it's shocking to hear that someone you know has cancer.

The Biggest Mistake? Saying Nothing

No one wants cancer. No one wants a young, healthy, happy person to be struck down by it. No one wants to imagine what happens if treatment doesn’t work. But one thing was always better than nothing—people reaching out to support me. Out of all the ‘not-so-great’ things that were said (some listed below), it was the silence from people I expected to hear from that hurt the most.

I know you might be scared you’ll say the wrong thing. But please don’t make the mistake of saying nothing just because you’re unsure. No matter their personality, diagnosis, prognosis, age, or gender, every single person who receives a cancer diagnosis and faces the possibility of dying will feel better knowing they matter to you.

How to Support Someone with Cancer

If you’re not sure what to say or do, here’s a guide:

• Call it what it is – It’s shit. Acknowledge that.

• Tell them you love them – Don’t overthink it. Just say it.

• Offer real support – Say what you will do to help, or better yet, just do it.

• Don’t downplay it – Avoid toxic positivity. No one wants to hear, “Everything happens for a reason.”

• Read the room – Do they want to laugh? Cry? Avoid the subject? Have fun? Ask them if you're not sure.

• Reassure them – Let them know they are still the same important, competent, kickass person to you. They need to hear it.

A Thoughtful Gift Can Make a Difference

If you really want to help them, consider a practical gift that helps them during and after treatment. My Own Your Chemo kits are designed for young women diagnosed with cancer, filled with products and tips that helped me manage my toughest chemo side effects.

In my Own Your Chemo Sessions, I coach women on what to expect during treatment and how to make changes that support their bodies through it. Because no one should have to go through this alone.

At the end of the day, the most important thing you can do? Let them know they matter to you.